January FtF 2024

Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2024 10:10 am

One Armed Bandit wrote:

Finals of each tourney class for easy reference:

200: Frankenberry AB (TMM) over Pepp AB (TUM)
201: Earl of Lemongrab WS (TMM) over Alucard AB (Chief I)
202: JMJ AB (HW) over Worth The Wait LU (TMM)
203: Happy-Go-Linty AB (TUM) over Divinity PR (Mannequin)
204: Steaming Earl TP (TMM) over The Professor TP (HW)
205: Whowhat AB (HW) over Clever Stab LU (HW)
206: Hornswoggle LU (Doc Steele) over Pestilence LU (DMobster)
207: Cruel Steel LU (HW) over Talorin Redfeather WS (Mannequin)
208: Major Lilywhite AB (TMM) over Furry S. Mason AB (TUM)
209: Freight Train ST (HW) over Bamob ST (Mgrr)
210: Tremors Backlash AB (Vlad) over Normal LU (Mgrr)

I am pretty sure the 203 winner was Happy-G0-Lucky. (But I am the only one who thinks so.)

Master Poster Joined: Jul 15, 2014 Posts: 204

Welcome to the Duelmasters 2K24 Tempe Monday Morning Tourney Quarterback (MMTQB)! There were wins, wines and whines over an action-packed weekend involving everyone from the crème de la crème to the despicable detritus of Alastari so, without further ado, let’s go to the tapes!

Tl;dr: Suck it, read the write up!

Quotes of the week

“They killed a lot of teabags.” -- DoHW

Children have always been great barometers of any given situation because they haven’t learned how to dissemble, so it’s not uncommon to have one say the quiet part out loud as everyone else looks on silently. Such was the case when DoHW looked up at the Wall O’ Teabags™ and said, with reverence, “They killed a lot of teabags!”

All told, there were seventy-one (71) chumps that TEABAG put down in Tempe. TEABAG accounted for 44% of the rookie kills and 37% of all kills. It is noteworthy that everyone, excepting that pacifist Riff Raff, gave better than they got. Even gentle giant Mr. Mojo pulled his weight; that’s how we roll. But what shocked those seated at our table was the revelation that Obregon is a Stone Cold Killer. Quiet and unassuming to the point of obscurity while seated next to you, he turned into the Rook Butcher when managing his crew. Like in the Twenty One Pilots song ‘Heathens’, “you’ll never know the murderer sitting next to you”: Round One rooks, 5 kills. Round Two rooks, five more kills. Round Three, three kills. Round 4, three more kills. On and on and on. There was a lot of side-eye going on at the table trying to reconcile his calm, friendly demeanor with his brutal killing efficiency. Pretty sure I saw Riff Raff, who was seated next to him, edging his seat away, inch by inch, over the course of the weekend.

Icing on the cake was some of the lesser alliances awkwardly throwing out excuses, e.g., “We ran out of tombstones.” Yeah…. sure. Sounds like you ran out of kills.

“Hey guys, let’s all discuss the upcoming Presidential Election at the end of the night and close down the bar” – Obregon

Dumbest. Idea. Ever.

“I like that Chatzy has devolved into ‘which 15 WT, 9 WL BA will make the best tourney warrior?’” – Howlin’ Wolf

My 21-11-13-15-9-8-7 Basher laid about himself in fine fashion with the highlight being the mauling of a 4’11” LU with a halberd. While his record did not ultimately contribute to our success, I write that off as reflective of the heightened prowess of his opponents, given that most or even all of his losses were to TEABAG allies.

“There is a similarity, if I may be permitted an excursion into tenuous metaphor, between the feel of a chilly breeze and the feel of a knife’s blade, as either is laid across the back of the neck. I can call up memories of both, if I work at it. The chilly breeze is invariably going to be the more pleasant memory.” -- Steven Brust, Jhereg

I am not sure which memory constitutes the more pleasant one: the second annual Tempe Face-To-Face Invitational™ golf tournament or the rookies TC run by Tremors Backlash. Perhaps because there were a lot of similarities between the Invitational, a.k.a. “Double Or Nothing”, and the Tournament Champion run. Both involved 19 rounds of combat, if, as one ought, you count the Clubhouse bar as the 19th hole for the Invitational. Both involved alliance members carrying me on their shoulders as well as quality opponents on the other side. Both involved match play. The Invitational involved the second meeting of Team Hokies (Jerman and I) vs Team Not-Hokies (Consortium and Mannequin). The rookie run involved a 9-6-6-11-17-14-21 N/N Aimed Blow.

The course, Whirlwind Golf Club at Wild Horse Pass, was certainly more pleasant than the Embassy Suites – let’s be honest, it’s not a high bar – and presents gorgeous vistas and impressive mountains. Each hole was named after and drew inspiration from lore of the Gila River Indian community, who had been in the area since 300 B.C. So, let us embark on a journey through 19 rounds of excitement that was the Invitational and the Rooks tourney. Sadly, the golfing details are a bit anemic because no one seems to have kept the scorecard.

Hole 1 – Greasy Mountain

The opening Par 4 faces Muh-wah Ha-dahk, or South Mountain, and the name refers to the legend of the Coyote running up the mountain with a rabbit stolen from the campfire in its jaws, dripping grease all the way up the mountain as it ran. It is, perhaps, fitting that the first warrior Tremors Backlash (TB) faced was a greasy AB managed by Neon, self-proclaimed champion of Duelmasters golf, who had hoped to join us but couldn’t work it out. Speaking of work, short work was made of both the rabbit and Neon’s warrior.

Hole 2 – Where the Dog Spoke

Facing Superstition Mountain, this Par 4 invokes a great flood creation legend where the rising water turned people into stone. A dog on the mountain spoke to people climbing to escape the waters, urging them higher when they paused to rest. I’m not sure who was managing Kahlua, a ST, but he was a real dog, going 0-3 in the tourney.

Hole 3 – Maricopa Journey

The first Par 5, this hole symbolizes the journey of the Pee-Posh from Colorado river to the area. When I saw TB’s opponent was managed by TMM, I figured I was in for a journey of my own as across the sands stood a weaponless AB in padded leather. But, in the end, the age-old maxim of “take a Rooks weapon AB over a Fist one every time” held true. Photon Veil went 1-3, marginally better than the dog from Round 2.

Hole 4 – Rock Throw Pass

This short par 3 -- only 160 yards for Jerman and Manne, less for me and even shorter for Consortium – gazes at the Cheave Skoam-ack (San Tan) mountain. It was apropos, as short this fight was, with Tremors running over a (rumor has it) Papaiz lunger in Scarecrow. In contrast to Scarecrow’s wounds, the rocks of legend thrown by the two daughters of Yellow Buzzard were not intended to harm but, rather, to draw the attention of travelers passing north through the pass. Tremors picked up his Expert in Attack this fight and, no, he didn’t start with it.

Hole 5 – Coyote Tracks

This hole also involves a Coyote, a common foe in Odham lore, being tricked into grabbing a cactus. A lot like the less-than-brilliant Wile E Coyote in the Roadrunner cartoons of yore. Which brings us to Dense. Tremors sliced up a Big Lake basher pretty good as he stood there motionless, much like Dense, one thumb in his mouth, another in his butt, playing switch. Sometimes he sits and thinks and sometimes he just sits.

Hole 6 – Home of the Wind

Whirlwind is named after the Estrella mountains, the southern portion of which can be seen from the tee box. Legend has them to be the home of the winds. Another Par 5, it was fitting as this represented the first real fight that Tremors had. Shocker, it was a TEABAG ally, indeed the one who was carrying me around the course with his play, that first presented a challenge in the rooks run. Jerman’s warrior put up a good fight but ultimately conceded.

Hole 7 – Dragonfly Falls

This Par 3 involves the tale of an Oriole discovering that the thundering sound of water from the nearby lake is actually the sound of numerous dragonflies flapping their wings. Which brings us back to Dense. His lunger, Tine E., who somehow had managed to show up with a record of 5-1, did a lot of wing-flapping but never could connect with a real swing. So Tremors parred the hole, sinking the putz (you get it, right?) in 3 strokes.

Hole 8 – Pig’s Ear

The javelina, or wild pig, is native to southern Arizona deserts. Pig’s Ear also looks upon the Estrella mountains, in which some say you can actually see the form of a javelina. I guess it doesn’t really matter who ran Cobra but it mattered even less when the fight was over and he packed up his bags to head home to Storm Point. What DID matter was that Tremors picked up an award at 8-0.

Hole 9 – Eagleman’s Gamble

In Odham legend, a human gambler always won the game of Ghins, played with flat saguaro sticks. With a split fairway, the hole presents an opportunity to gamble on your tee shot and I think I gambled by putting my ball in the crap between the two fairways. Pretty sure Consortium took the righthand fairway. In lore, the human eventually lost and turned into an Eagle. In the arena, Tremors still hadn’t lost a fight and sent a VERY Unlikely Hero packing in VERY short order. Now, I thought Obsidian Hall and related teams resided with Khisanth so perhaps this opponent was run by Howlin’ Wolf, of Howlin’ Wolf TC Enterprises, LTD. ™ (All rights reserved).

Hole 10 – Bat Mountain

The tee for this hole actually faces the Embassy Suites where, as we took in a beautiful day in the sun, DM managers sat in a windowless, fluorescent-lit room fretting over entries. That said, I suspect at this point Consortium and Mannequin were gazing in the direction of the hotel with no small amount of longing given Team Hokies was firmly in the Invitational lead, no thanks whatsoever to my play. Jerman has big, manly shoulders upon which he carried me. Speaking of big, I am not sure who ran Tremors’ opponent, Big Man, but it became a very short fight when Big Man asked for his customary 10%. You know, for The Brand.

Hole 11 – Stone People

Lore tells us of the futile efforts of the shaman upon the top of Superstition Mountains, singing to raise said mountains above the rising flood waters. Three times he sang, and three times the mountains rose above the ever-climbing waters to save the people on the mountains. The fourth time he sang, the mountains could rise no more. In a last act of defiance, he used his diminished energy to turn those people to stone before the waters engulfed them. You can still see the Stone People atop the mountains to this day. Speaking of futility, it took yet another TEABAG ally to come and give Tremors a real fight. Mr. Mojo’s warrior, Mr. Bot, mostly ran over my Aimed Blow, though it was at least a reasonable effort with blood drawn on both sides. Round 11 marked Tremor’s first loss; however, he picked up his expert in defense for his troubles.

Hole 12 – Oriole’s Crown

Short Par 3 hole, shorter fight. Assur’s weapon AB drew first blood but a solid desperation strat enabled Tremors to respond in kind which ended the contest. I note that Assur’s warrior was nekkid – rumor has it that’s how he likes ‘em – and mine had a modicum of armor to help absorb a hit. Perhaps that made the difference. In either case, there was no trash talking from Trash Talking after that fight since Assur’s warrior was headed home.

Hole 13 – Arrows Flight

This par 4 challenges the golfer to thread a narrow fairway between two sandtraps, recalling the skilled arrow-craft of the River People who made arrow shafts out of the “oose cawk-ah-mahk” plant. Jerman threaded that gap and, having generally been undefeated all day, carried me over the finish line to defeat the evil Orange-eater non-Hokie team. Who needs 18 holes when 13 will do? Speaking of undefeated and Jerman, Tremors had all he could handle with the undefeated warrior that Jerman pushed onto the sands in round 13. Another knock-down, drag-out fight with an Ally, but Tremors got lucky and pulled it out with his desperation strat.

Hole 14 – Deergrass Dunes

This Par 3 is evocative of the blowing winds and shifting sands of fate. Which reminds me of the shifting fate of Consortium’s CrapMaster DM-Huh? It is utterly crazy that a crapmaster warrior made it so far into the rooks runoffs. Props to Mr. C. for a unique design and equally competitive strategy which I was able to glean from him over the course of the post-Invitational round on Monday. That said, the fight was never in doubt as my AB surgically removed the weapon from Consortium’s warrior who, as Watson alerted me, never carried a backup and was left-handed. Tremors sent DM-Huh? home with a hearty righthanded handshake of congratulations, after several days of bedrest.

Hole 15 – Mesquite

One of two Par 5’s that take you home, the lengthy hole was fitting as I saw a plate-armored Total Parry with two large shields across the sands. Hole Mesquite recognizes 4 mesquite trees that have marked the hole since their birth. The Akimel O’Odham and Pee-Posh Indians used mesquite for all manner of things, including fencing, homes, food and firewood. On the topic of firewood, Tremors whack-whack-whackity-whacked Outlaw over two rounds to drop him to 13-2. As mentioned elsewhere in this column, Outlaw had otherwise laid waste on my rooks, so it was nice of Tremors to make short work of him, which ultimately enabled Manager’s warrior to put him out.

Hole 16 – Komatke Peaks

The last hole to face the Estrella mountains, this Par 4 fittingly represents one of the bigger challenges on the way home. And that was certainly accurate as Tremors found himself looking across the sands at yet another TEABAG ally in Kharadmon’s striker. What?! Kharadmon with a successful striker? This is my shocked face. As his strikers are wont to do, Kharadmon’s warrior flat out destroyed mine, landing three unanswered strikes for the win. I do believe this may have been the fight where negotiations with my and Kharadmon’s Seconds, being Jerman and Riff Raff respectively, occurred to ascertain the rules of engagement, what information could be shared, etc. etc. All for naught in Tremor’s case. Tremors now sat at 14-2, with both losses coming from TEABAG allies. Likewise, Kharadmon’s warrior also sat at 14-2 with at least one of those losses being from Jerman.

Hole 17 – Sanctuary Aji

The last Par 5, the 2nd hardest hole on the course from a handicapping perspective brought round another aimed blow in Shadow Hunter, run by Papaiz, who is known to exclaim “Please let me stay relevant!” while trying to find sanctuary during rooks runoffs in Tempe. When warring tribes in the area did their own battling, women and children were known to climb up the Aji for sanctuary, where they could see for miles around. The “Aji” were really any singular mountain in the area rather than a specific peak. While this fight was not in question – Tremors never took a hit – there were two critical parries made that enabled him to both pick up his Adex ATT and finish off Papaiz’s warrior. Tremors was headed to the semi-finals!

Hole 18 – Going Home

It’s good to be headed home, as the Odham people sang. And how true it was for me, as I hit up to the 18th green and scored (I think) one of my few pars. It was also good to be kicked back, feet up, drink in hand and cruising to the finals as Tremors matched with the righteous Osksi Noble while his two feared foes, Kharadmon’s striker Alred and Mgrr’s lunger Normal squared off. Had Kharadmon pulled off the win against Normal, I almost certainly wouldn’t be recording this because his warrior would have trounced mine in the finals just as he did on hole 16. That said, I actually hadn’t seen Mgrr’s Normal so I had no idea how that fight might go.

Hole 19 – The Clubhouse

While this watering hole represented the excellent culmination of friends talking and laughing over battles, bottles and bogeys past at the Whirlwind clubhouse, the finals involved no joking. The lunger Normal waltzed through a bevy of my allies to be standing nonplussed across the sands from Tremors. I sought counsel from both Watson and patient TEABAGgers, reviewed their fights with Normal and pondered. In the end, I realized Tremors didn’t really have much of a chance and decided, as they say, to “dance with the one what brung ya”. Tremors went in with the same strat that carried him through most of his run and, as luck or fate would have it, it carried him into the Tournament Champion Clubhouse.

Mgrr, being the nice guy he is, dropped by before the fight to suggest splitting the TC prize. I felt this was exceedingly gracious especially since I was confident his warrior was going to win. But, in the end, I’m just not a sharer. You know when people go to lunch together and some dillhole does that “How about I order 6 different dishes for everyone to share”? That aggravates the **** out of me. If I wanted to eat family style, I’d eat at home… with my family. So, when I declined -- the TC splitting, not the food -- it certainly was not because I felt I had the upper hand. Quite the opposite. I’m just not a splitter. Go big or go home. He was welcome to the prize and I expected him to win anyway.

And, let’s face it, he should have. Like when I saw DMobster’s basic warrior armed with a primary SS and two backup LOs, I’m still mystified at how other DM managers for whom I have tremendous respect strategize. Mgrr has prolly forgotten more about DM than I’ll ever know, so he no doubt had his strategy. But I remain convinced that if Normal come out 10-10-X, 8-10-X or even 8-8-X he would have mowed the lawn with Tremors given his just-barely expert in defense. Instead, Normal stood there inviting the best attacking style in the game to take the initiative uncontested with a moderate offensive effort. Tremors mopped up with two easy criticals. I suspect Normal was hedging against an APA-dodgy AB but Tremors never donned more than leather during his entire run.

In either event, begrudging admiration, condolences and congratulations to Mgrr and Normal for ending rooks runoffs for several TEABAG warriors – four of the top 5, of which two were Jerman’s, and 33% of the runoff rooks – on his way to Runner Up!

“Undefeated in Apex” - Unknown

I came across the phrase “undefeated in apex” late last year in a Wall Street Journal article that, for the life of me, I can’t find again and it – the phrase, not the article – has stuck with me ever since. In my mind, its simplicity creates a fantastic counterpoint to its power. Undefeated in apex. “Undefeated” demands competition, perhaps for resources or territory or even bragging or reproductive rights. Apex, which I’d really only ever heard used in the context of animal predators, speaks to the absolute pinnacle of something, for example the food chain in the case of predators. Put the two together and you have the concept of being undefeated in something when it really, really matters. And I got to thinking…

An apex in Duelmasters could obviously be different for different people. For example, it took a collaboration of historical foes to wrest the Primus TC from the Emperor and, arguably, that could be the apex. Or maybe the upcoming King of Primus is the last and final apex. Those aside, I would proffer that the apex involves sitting in the finals chair at the front of the room like an errant schoolboy as your best-performing warrior squares off against someone else’s best-performing warrior, both of whom have already waded through likely more than a hundred, if not hundreds of, also-rans to get there. As I’m sat here writing this, I’ve sat there six times and walked away unscathed each time. Undefeated in Apex.

Now, having gotten that out onto the table, I am confident it constitutes taunting of karma beyond endurance and will quickly invoke Warden Norton’s sign, “His judgement cometh and that right soon…”. And I am equally confident that when it ultimately happens, just like the single time I played Wordle and then couldn’t put it down day after day after day for months on end because I had a streak going, it will be, as Don Henley once expressed, “a horrible relief” to reach across and shake the hand of whomever beats me in a FTF finals chair. But, until then, as Sgt Hulka so eloquently put it, ”Any a y’all suckholes want to come up here and knock me off?”

To circle back to the golf, I have to admit that, like on those rare occasions where I manage a par on the first hole and am tempted to quit then and head back to the clubhouse just so, when someone says, “How’d you shoot?” I can honestly respond, “even”, I am somewhat tempted to retire from FTF play altogether to keep the record intact.

Awards of the Week

It was a good year for awards, with 9% of the crew taking home official recognition of their accomplishments. We’ll forego the mathletic contortions articulated in the halcyon days of this author’s tourney write-up youth that would get us to that mystical 10% award percentage. Accordingly, no words will be wasted on the established historical precedent of a Tournament Champion award being valued at a minimum of one and one-half Tournament Victor awards. Indeed, in the interest of brevity, nothing will be said of fixed vs floating-point arithmetic, the Table-Maker’s Dilemma and certainly no mention will be made of the “≈” symbol or Sir Alfred George Greenhill.

No Runner Ups and not really even close, with the best record being no more than tied for 5th in Initiates before being put out by the ultimate Runner Up, who walked away with the Wiggler Water Slide™ prize which many participants were looking forward to. The highly-coveted Tournament Champion prize, a Wiggler Personal Massager™ that Resounding Tumult won a while back, was taken home by Tremors Backlash whom we haven’t seen since. Observers have commented that we could really use a new name on the Primus Throne during future tournaments, given the association that warrior – as is their right, no one denies – ultimately has with the prize selection and branding.

The awards represented seven of the ten styles and fell nicely into pairs across 4 of the basic classes. History was also made in finally being able to check the box of the first non-basic TV since my return. Five additional warriors at 7-3 and six basic Stylemaster awards, if you will, rounded out the trophy case.

Stats of the Week

Team Vlad managed a robust and joyful – given the rigor of a January tourney – 382-289-11-6, coming in at 57%. This improves upon the previous year’s record for January for a 3% YoY uptick. I do not expect that upward trend to continue.

Best style: Strikers at 61%. Please see Floyd’s Theory of Tourney Optimization™.

Worst Style: Pikers and Bashers at 50%. Pretty proud of this one, not the least because it sounds a bit like Bangers and Mash. But also because this might be the first tourney that I achieved 50% or better with every style.

Best Class: Freshman trundled in at an astonishing 68%, in no small part due to my award in this class. I’m coming for you, Howlin’ Wolf.

Worst Class: A single Eligibles entry who is otherwise ready to bust came in at 2-3 or 40%, leaving me to wonder how ready he actually is. In the more fulsome classes, Champs was the worst at 48% though, in fairness, I rested my top Champs for a more worthy prize. I felt so… so… Mega when I did so.

Factoids that may only interest me

I. Across the entire tourney, we only ran into a single warrior more than three times. Outlaw was a detriment to my tourney, beating three of my guys, including one loss that denied an award. He was mopped up by my TC in the runoffs, which was good in the feels, but Mgrr ultimately put him out of the tourney.

II. First swing %, a critical stat for pure offensives, came in overall at 80% for BA/SL/STs, and 67%, 74% and 87% respectively. The crew won 65% of the fights when achieving first swing.

III. Looking across the implements of destruction selected by our opponents, the tourney managers continue to demonstrate an appalling lack of diversity and inclusion. SC led the count by a good margin amongst the styles that could reasonably use it, including ABs, PRs, SLs, and Wastes. One interesting nugget: Strikers leveraged the short spear as often as the scimitar. LUs used the LO – this is my shocked face – and TPs used shields, with LG and ME being similarly represented.

IV. Seven percent of my warriors failed to win a fight which is much lower than in many other past tourneys, so let’s call that a win, shall we? And one of those died on their first fight.

V. Average size of the teamsheet pool: Twelve. Average size of our Tempe opponents: Eight. Percentage of SZ = 3 in the teamsheet pool: 0.002%. Percentage of SZ = 3 in our opponent pool: 0.06%, or 30 times the prevalence.

Mr. United Member Travel Note

Tempe marked the 1st and last trip as a United Premiere 1K member as I was immediately and unceremoniously downgraded to “Member” at the end of January. On the plus side, the Premiere 1K status had recently been added to the pre-boarding list (boarding shortly after Global Services), so for one more Tempe trip there was no need to stand in a boarding group line.

No idea what next January will bring – no future in speculating – but, given how many parts are routinely falling off United’s Boeing fleet, and everyone else’s Boeing fleets, I am more likely than not to drive to Minnesota this summer or not attend.

Brief Truths

A. The debut of Watson 2.0, now with generative AI large language modeling (LLM), was game changing. I think it was in round 5 that Watson had resolved all the styles of the approximately 3,000 warriors in the tourney. The round-by-round emails of upcoming opponent styles, preferred armor and weapons, likely attack location, taste in wine and political leaning was a nice touch.

B. After an epic 36-hour journey of Planes, Trains & Automobiles to get Tempe in the first place, sleeping in your truck upon arrival because your FTF roommate inadvertently locked you and hotel security out of the room… well, that’s love.

C. Warriors talking smack loses fights. It’s still debatable about managers.

Ten things I think I think

1. I think the scanner has evolved from a support engine to help proxyees follow along during the tourney to a weapon of war. I think being able to ingest fight data in real time enabled TEABAG not only to feed the predictive strategy models but also chuck the paper rather than ship or carry it home to record.

2. I think Assur gave me an assist to my long-awaited non-basic TV since returning and I think I am grateful for that. I think I also didn’t see much of tDO this tourney and for that I am also grateful.

3. I think my Eligibles crew is still at the stage where every win is a fight but not every loss.

4. I think Kharadmon and his entourage were missed. I think Obregon was a really fun addition to the table, if you can look past his bloodlust. I think I hope he’ll continue to join us. I think I never take enough time to go say hello to the other tables and always regret that after the fact.

5. I think starting out ADM with a win over TMM, albeit a Junk Parry Strike, was a nice touch. I think the reprisal for that audacity in round 4 was swift and definitive. I think fighting Howlin’ Wolf was Business As Usual (BAU) in that it involved a) a Total Parry, b) using a shortsword, c) with an unequipped but quickly pulled offhand reserve weapon, and d) that put my warrior out.

6. I think the Freshman award, being 10 years since returning in the making, was beautifully topped off by the shellacking the ultimate TC doled out to my warrior on her way out the door. I think achieving that award by putting a loss on the TMM warrior that put a loss on my other Freshman was icing.

7. I think I was far, far outclassed in Challengers by the professionals. I think I shouldn’t try Challengers at home. That said, I think my guys kicked some serious arse… in round one. I think Mr. Mojo giving my superstar clone what-fer was pretty funny. I think Floyd’s warrior showing mine how to use my warrior’s favorite weapon was appreciated if detrimental. I think Riff Raff might teach me to carry backup weapons. I think I’d prefer to mock Dense but he gave as good as he got from me in this class whereas JME boned me like he owned me.

8. I think that entire ChiefI alliance, the name of which escapes me but is something like Lesion X or Legionnaire’s Disease, has a lock on ripping my warriors’ first swing at like a 90+% rate, regardless of manager, class or style. Speaking of riposting, I think Savannah Baby giving my warrior his master in riposte was fitting. I think Rizza had my Champs’ numbers.

9. I think getting 0 trains on your exit fight is deflating. I think that does not apply if your warrior is dead as that would be weird.

10. These are the other things I think I think:

a. I think I enjoyed the hell out of responsing all the Adepts strikers up to, and including, the stupid Consortium striker that cost me my Halloween Apps TC, being the only missed TC in two years of tourneys. Enjoy the carriage ride back to Storm Point, Lovely! I think I also enjoyed seeing someone trying to response one of my guys and getting butt hurt. I think I’m looking at you, Garrote.

b. I thought Master Baster of Top Chef was clever, as was Bough Movement of Mobile Trees. I think Small Package of Because Madwand cracked me up. I think disgusting candy was brilliant. I think Milky Wayne lived up to the team name. I think the Aimed Blow running FI with offhand SC in platemail named Copycat of Do What HW Do was apropos. I think when a warrior’s name is the same as the team name it puts inordinate pressure on said warrior vis a vis his 4 other teammates.

c. I think a certain Mobster who sends his LU into Adepts with a SS and two primary backup LOs knows something I don’t, particularly when he puts my guy down. I think I tire of Floyd strikers contorting their bodies inhumanly. I think I was comforted when I heard how ridiculously prized Cruel Steel was. I think winners win ugly, which explains Mannequin’s RU putting my guy out in the runoffs.

d. I think one ought to be able to file a FOIA request with the Gladiatorial Commission to get the manager names for each of the teams. I think scanning The Book is frowned upon.

e. Golfnerdness™: In what could fairly constitute redemption, The Consortium edged out a single-stroke victory over me in the non-Invitational post-tournament match on Monday at perennial favorite Lone Tree. As a Pleasant Surprise bonus during this writing, I about fell out of my chair when I discovered a young woman from my home town competing in today’s Drive, Chip and Putt national championship at Augusta.

f. I think if I had escaped the Allied Axis, I wouldn’t admit the former association by naming teams “AA Legacy”. I think most times that I run into warriors or teams with misspelled names, like Bough Movement of “Movile” Trees, I can safely attribute that to a Lady Sandra of Castlemont typo. I think when I run into a warrior with a name like “Trasformation” of “Big Lake Evolve” the root cause is in doubt.

g. I think parry-lungers are stone cold killers. I think maybe Obregon’s managerial style is PL. I think starting off 2-0-2 gets the juices flowing. I think the EP continues to be underrated.

h. Coffeenerdness: I continue to be amazed how much cold-brewing coffee makes it more palatable for me. Whether it’s my bohemian coffee shop, or at home, the same end product of water pushed through coffee beans becomes amazing.

i. I think fighting the Apps TC to a standstill and having him on the verge of shock, just to have him juke his way to a cheap victory was classic Howlin’ Wolf. Putting a loss on the RU was bonus feels.

j. Winenerdness: Frank Family Cabernet, new to Jerman, BoJerman and me, turned out to be an enjoyable addition to our Steak 44 repast. If you haven’t tried it – Steak 44 OR Frank Family Cab – you’re missing out.

k. I think that, while I am a wine / beer drinker, even I have enjoyed some Blantons. I think I was kind of sad to kill Blanton in Inits. I think I was equally sad to put one of Gentle Ben’s rare tourney entries out of Inits just shy of an award and another entry nowhere near one. I think I was not remotely as sad to put the only loss on the eventual TC Major Lilywhite.

l. I think I love that some folks still come out with halberds. I think someone is printing their own SZ = 3 sheets. I think I’m one of the few managers with the guts, skill and panache to be able to go 0-3 with the 11-6-9-21-21-5-11 warrior. I think Puncher’s Chance didn’t stand one.

m. I think I am not a Powerball OR MegaMillions winner.

n. I think Gamma, of Greatness, after losing to my warrior in round 9, did a masterful job of strategy adjustment to defeat that same warrior in round 10 and deny him an award.

o. Obit of the Weak™: Some tough choices here with 6 warriors who Obit it during the tourney. While yet another 21/21 was lost, it was on his exit fight anyway so hard to shed too many tears. And the 8 Will Ripper can’t fairly be expected to make his Will roll. So, I’ll have to go with the 15-6-5-17-17-15-9 SL who was +10 or better, including +3 DEC, that DMobster killed in round 7 when he was 6-0 coming in.

Who I like in April

Knowing that naming someone sentences them to a 1-3 record, an ignominious death or both, I really hesitate to name anyone. But, if you’re going to go all Mega-wannabe and hold warriors back for particular prizes, I guess one might as well pull on their big boy pants and own it. Instant, the July New Orleans Adept Tourney Champion, is back with a vengeance and a sidekick. Specifically, Momma, his Adept runner up from New Orleans.

As I wrap this up, the tourney is either running or will shortly, so good luck to all.

Caustic Acrostic

Tees to greens, beginnings to ends
Exciting time spent with foes and friends
A perfect pitch, a well struck ball
Bags of tea upon the wall
Another Tempe in the books
Golf was great and so was rooks

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Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2024 12:20 am

Hot damn, Vlad! Well done. Very well done.

(I am wondering if you will help me write my autobiography, er, bigraphy?)

Posted: Tue Apr 09, 2024 6:38 pm

good read, Sir! Especially enjoyed the "Hole #5" write up....dang near spit the thumb outta my mouth Very Happy

Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2024 2:09 pm

Thank you for sharing Vladgina, entertaining as always, at least most of it.